Trying to Claw Out of Poverty

Being poor sucks.

But, for myself, maybe not for, or not just for, the reasons other people might think. For there are very few material things that I would like to have. Oh, sure, shelter, food, and health are of big concern, and the constant worry over all three does indeed suck. But when I think of it truly sucking, I think more in terms of how lack of funds limit me in making societal contributions, whether it is providing cat food for the strays, making a donation to Plan USA, or — if our circumstances become stable enough for us to do so — becoming a foster parent.

Money by itself is valueless, just so much shreds of paper or changing numbers in a ledger. It is what can be done with it that gives it value.

But I’ve never been good at figuring out how to adequately obtain funds so that I can adequately give it the value I think it should it have; the value of it most effectively being used.

Oh, sure, I know the hard-work mantra, and I do work hard at everything I do. I do not see how one cannot work hard. Striving towards accomplishment is a natural human tendency as far as I can tell, if my own human-ness is any kind of marker for such things. But hard work and funds, at least in the states, or in the state of Fox, don’t seem to always align.

People, including my husband, think I should be able todosomething with my degree, with my intelligence, etc. Thesomethingbeing accompanied by both personal and financial benefit. And they are probably right of course. After all, with my 4.0 GPA, I…

But that gets to the crux of it all. School is easy. Really. There is never a tighter correlation between hard work and success than when in school. Expectations are laid out at the start with clearly visible stones to get across the river.

I try to find such stones in the different jobs I have had. I keep my eye on expectations and work hard at keeping my steps steady and balanced. When I stumble, I redouble my efforts and try to ensure I look to see if the stated expectations have changed.

Yet I somehow keep falling off, or keep getting pushed off, or, even more common, find that successfully crossing to those expectations are of insufficient funding and all too soon I am drowning again with just the barest inhalation of air.

So what to do? I really don’t know.

What I do know is that I was thinking of going to Book Mama’s today. They are having a release party for a brand new literary publication and I would have liked to joined in; to show my support for journals in which I am trying to get published. But there are more pressing things on my mind right now than the pipe dream of personal achievement. Things like our vacuum cleaner now dead, so we need a new one. And we currently do have the credit to get one, but it will be just that: on credit. Which is a whole other form of drowning.

Drowning to pay for a vacuum cleaner is one thing, drowning to buy a magazine is quite another.

So instead I’m working on my resume again. I’m planning on going to Work One on Monday to get further help on making it the most beautiful it can be to employers. I will also call Office Team to see if they have anything. Both are closed today, so today I have updated my Career Builder with this newly tweaked resume…

A stone, a stone, my kingdom for a stone…